So, why might your sex drive be MIA? Maybe it's something physical, perhaps it’s medical, or it could be psychological. It might even be linked to your relationship or lifestyle. Often, it's a mix of all these factors. Here are some top causes behind a lower sex drive and why couples stop having sex:

• Medications: Certain medications like SSRI antidepressants, antipsychotics, antihistamines, heart medications, and some hormonal contraceptives can effect your sexual desire. These medications can be absolutely necessary, however many individuals have reported a sudden drop in sex drive or orgasmic response quickly after starting.

• Hormonal: Hormonal fluctuation can seriously put a damper on our sex drives. Both men and women can be affected by these changes. For women, its usually around cycle, menopause and pregnancy. For men, age and medical conditions.

• Stress: When you're juggling a million things and feeling overwhelmed, your libido can take a nosedive. Stress triggers the release of cortisol, which can wreak havoc on your hormones and make it hard to get in the mood. Plus, when your mind is buzzing with worries, it's tough to focus on enjoying intimate moments.

• Conflict with partner: When you're butting heads or feeling emotionally distant, getting in the mood can seem like an uphill battle. Tension and unresolved issues create an invisible barrier that dampens desire. Instead of feeling close and connected, you might find yourself pulling away.

• Mismatched libidos: Your partner and you may have mismatched libidos! This is where you both have different levels of sexual appetite or crave sex during at different times and moments.

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Low sex drive can significantly impact a relationship, often leading to feelings of disconnect and frustration. Some people need connection to crave sex, while their partner is craving sex to feel connected. It can feel like a catch 22!

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The once vibrant connection may start to feel distant, and intimacy can become awkward. It’s not just the lack of physical intimacy that’s the issue; the emotional fallout can be significant. One partner might feel rejected or unattractive, while the other feels pressured and stressed.

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Recognising these effects is crucial because it opens the door to addressing the problem together. Here are some coping tips and tricks to help:

Communication can turn misunderstandings into moments of connection. Sit down with your partner and have an honest chat. Share your feelings, fears, and fantasies—yes, even the awkward ones!

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This isn’t just about airing grievances; it’s about understanding each other's needs and creating a plan together.

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By opening up and talking about it, you turn those unspoken worries into a shared mission to reignite your connection.

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If you're finding this challenging, consider doing a sex-therapy session with me, Book a session here.

Understanding your sexual brakes and accelerators—those things that turn you off and on—can be a game-changer for your libido.

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Think of accelerators as the green lights that rev up your desire and horniness, like a flirty text or a romantic dinner. On the flip side, brakes are the red lights that halt your libido or turn you off, such as stress, feeling unappreciated or too tired for sex

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Communicating your breaks and accelerators to each other can be the key to successfully initiating sex and boosting your libido.

Stress can be a major culprit behind a low sex drive, turning romantic nights into restless ones. Reducing stress isn’t just about feeling better; it’s about reclaiming your connection with your partner.

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Find ways to unwind together, whether it’s taking a leisurely walk, practicing mindfulness, or enjoying a relaxing hobby. When stress levels drop, your mind and body are more open to intimacy, making it easier to rekindle that spark.

When you focus on non-sexual intimacy, you’re telling your partner, “I cherish you for more than just our physical relationship.”

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It’s about those tender moments of holding hands, sharing a warm hug, or simply sitting close while watching a movie. Even giving regular compliments to each other can help you both feel attractive and confident, maintaining that sexual attraction.

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These acts of affection build a strong emotional bond and can really relieve the pressure and stress of a low-libido.

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Engaging in non-sexual intimacy also create a safe space where affection flourishes, often laying the groundwork of physical intimacy to stem from.

Spice up your sex life by trying new things can breathe fresh life into your libido.  It breaks the routine and brings excitement and anticipation into your relationship.

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Here are some ideas that can help you step out of your sexual dry spell and ignite your passion again - you might be surprised at how it brings you closer together!

• Sensation play
• Sensual touching
• Exploring sexual fantasies
• Edging
• Masturbating - alone OR together
• Pegging
• Slow sex
• Switching up foreplay
• Schedule a sex date
• Dirty talk
• Sex toys
• Sex games

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All of these skills and many more are practised in Pillow Play (my online sex and intimacy games for couples!).

Masturbating can be powerful tool for combating a low sex drive.

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Solo-masturbating can help you stay in touch with your sexual desire, keep your libido active and allow you to sexually re-connect with yourself. It can also act as a form of self-care that allows you to explore what turns you on without any pressure.

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Additionally, incorporating mutual masturbation with your partner can create intimacy and open up conversations about each other’s desires, as well be incredibly arousing - leading to great sex in relationships.