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Are you spanking curious?
Even if you don't enjoy pain during sex, spanking can be incredibly sensual and not at all painful.
It increases blood flow, sensitivity and makes all of those nerve endings tingle deliciously. It can be foreplay, roleplay, a BDSM scene, or just plain fun in the middle of sex.
Here is my quick guide to spanking and impact play whether you're a seasoned masochist or a curious newcomer.
Please book in a session if you want proper BDSM education & safety advice – this is all I can fit in one post!
Some places on the body are safe and pleasurable to spank, and some are not. Fleshy places like bum & thighs are great (and send ripples of sensation into the pelvis and genitals!), whereas anywhere near organs (E.g. the lower back/kidneys) should be avoided.
Always have a chat about your desires and boundaries beforehand. Never spank somebody without consent first.
Establish a safe word and a way to check in with each other as you go. I like using the traffic light system:
Green - Feels great, keep going
Orange - That's getting close to my limit/pain tolerance
Red - Too hard/I'd like to stop now
When we are turned on, our pain tolerance almost doubles.
This is because of all the chemicals and hormones such as endorphin that get released during pleasure. When you add adrenaline into the mix, the line between pain and pleasure can really start to blur.
So take your time & start gently to allow the pleasure and blood flow to build. If you want to build up to something more intense you will want to do so gradually.
‘Warm up’ the booty with lighter more sensual spanking with just the palm of a hand.
Rub, kiss, stroke, caress and massage the body in between spanks to take out the sting, build arousal, and help the blood flowwww. (This also helps you reduce marks/bruising)
If somebody enjoys spanking, they will probably also enjoy different forms of sensation against their skin.
Although the palm of the hand is a great place to start, you might find your hand will start to get a bit sore! It's also a fairly one dimensional sensation, and after a little while you both might be craving something... more!
Explore different options, and find a tool (or 2... or 3...!) that you both enjoy. These can be super gentle (like a feather) or build up gradually to something more intense.
Once you'd become comfortable with entry level spanking, it's time to perfect your technique!
Mix up pressure, frequency, placement and rhythm to change the experience for the receiver.
You can tease your partner to build anticipation. The time in between the spanks is some people’s favourite part as it's all about erotic anticipation and build up.
Or you can put them into a sort of erotic trance with a great, consistent, regular rhythm and beat.
Remember to keep checking in always using your traffic light system – red, orange and green.
Remember all those hormones and chemicals I mentioned that are released during spanking? The ones that double your pain threshold, blur the line between pain/pleasure and give you a sense of euphoria, arousal and joy?
Well these chemicals can have all sorts of different effects on different people. You might:Giggle, lose your words & become non-verbal, become all floppy, get hot/cold, get emotional, cry, go into fight/flight, have a big emotional drop or release, etc.
This is what is known in the BDSM community as 'subspace' (the erotic trance) and 'subdrop' (the crash afterwards).
The bottom line is that it is impossible to consent to something in this state – it can be almost like being drugged. Never renegotiate limits during spanking, as you are not in the same state of mind that you were beforehand.
Spanking can be an intense experience for the body, even if it is kept really fun, sensual and light. There are often a lot of chemicals released in both your bodies. Just like everyone has different emotions after sex, you might notice you feel emotional, cuddly, weepy, lightheaded, hot/cold, or giggly after giving or receiving a spanking.
This is why aftercare is so so important to look after both of your emotional and physical health.
Never just end spanking and go your separate ways. Check in with each other, and have some time to get your needs met. Eat something sweet (chocolate/lollies), get a cosy blanket, and have a cuddle.
When you feel ready, have a debrief – what was hot, what did you enjoy, what are you curious about next time?